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Note: I have added some info to this rant. The article/letter below was sent to Xtra! Magazine. I asked that it be printed but that my name be withheld. Xtra! refused on grounds of "journalistic integrity". My entire email exchange follows this month's rant. I think you'll find it interesting. And by the way - I faxed the entire thing off to Dr. Laura Schlessinger too - just for good measure.
Sex Behind The AIDS Memorial - What's Wrong With That?
I'm tearing up my membership card. I'm no longer gay. Toronto's Gay weekly, Xtra! Magazine, ran an article by Gareth Kirkby in its June 15th Annual Pride issue that disgusted me beyond words.
In his article, Kirkby waxes nostalgic about the decline in public sex behind the AIDS Memorial in Toronto's Cawthra Park. Before I rip this bone-head to shreds, let me share some of the (dare I say) juicier parts of his article with those of you who haven't read it.
He begins by describing how he remembers kneeling in the bushes in Toronto's Cawthra Park one night while simultaneously fellating two men. The men happened to be friends who had not seen each other recently. While they took turns holding his head, they caught "up on lost years of friendship, ex-lovers…and all the dish that gay men share." After an entire evening spent having sex in the park, during which he had made "a new friend or two," Kirkby tells the reader that he then headed "off, minus a shower and shave, to [his] job at Bathurst St."
On a different night, he and a "group of sexy men" took turns having anal sex with another man. He describes the event as "a tender scene" after which "we all folded into each other to hug in a circle when we were done." He goes on to explain "that for generations, gay men and straight couples have enjoyed sex in places like High Park, David Balfour Park and Cawthra Square Park." Now, however, "park lovers" are harassed by police and new park designs are aimed at keeping people from engaging in public sex. Kirkby calls this "a tragedy".
But wait, there's more! The best is yet to come (no pun intended). Gareth tells us that a friend who died of AIDS is memorialized in the AIDS Monument and personally, Kirkby can't think of a more fitting tribute to his friend than to have men ejaculating against the stone bearing his friend's name! "He'd probably even feel honoured if someone celebrated Cawthra Square Park and the nearby gay community by kissing his name while getting f***ed up against the memorial," he says!
Is this the standard for behaviour in today's gay community? In my opinion, people like Mr. Kirkby (and those like him) do nothing but shame our community and provide ample ammunition for those who already fear, distrust or hate gays. Furthermore, what kind of newspaper does Xtra! think it is by printing this sort of inane, agendized garbage? In spite of the fact that many people engage in public sex and have for years, it is still a crime in this country! Does Kirkby really think that this is a behaviour that should be publicly extolled and advocated? Is this what it means to be a gay man in Toronto's gay village? Does Xtra! really support this kind of so-called journalism? Does our "community newspaper" believe that the majority of gay people agree with this activity?
No wonder we still don't have same-sex benefits in parts of this country, no wonder we can't adopt children or legally marry each other! Why is anyone surprised that straight society is often repulsed and disgusted by gay people and gay attitudes? Obviously, Xtra! and Mr. Kirkby think that it's perfectly normal and completely acceptable to encourage and support the rights of people to have anonymous public sex in Toronto's downtown core.
If Kirkby thinks that the loss of opportunity for this behaviour is so tragic, then I challenge him to get down on his knees behind a tree at mid-day instead of midnight! If he really believes that police pressure to curb gay sex acts is such a tragedy then why isn't he out there fellating everything that moves at high-noon instead of sneaking through the bushes at 3 AM? Why not make a stand (again no pun intended) for his position and give into his libidinal urges in broad daylight?
I rather suspect that Gareth wants to have his cake and eat it too. It must be a lot more fun to be forced up against the back of the AIDS Memorial by some nameless partner than it is to be forced up against the bars of your prison cell by Bubba the "lifer".
I am so disgusted by Kirkby's article and by Xtra!'s decision to print it that I vow from this day forward I will never pick up another copy of the magazine. Kirkby should be ashamed of himself and Xtra! should print a protracted apology, asking forgiveness from the gay community for being so editorially stupid.
This is just another example of how the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction that now, no matter what we do or say, as long as it's a gay person saying it - it must be good! I am sick and bloody tired of "my community" telling the world what I'm like, what I believe and how I behave. Is it any wonder that gay people are still facing discrimination and violence in this country? Gee, I wonder who's contributing to that?
It couldn't possibly be members of our own community could it? No, perish the thought! That would be just too ironic.
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Xtra!'s Response to me:
----- Original Message -----
From: Eleanor Brown <eleanor.brown@xtra.ca>
To: 'Macavity'
Sent: Monday, June 26, 2000 5:56 PM
Subject: RE: I'm Completely Grossed Out
I'm afraid your letter cannot appear unless your name appears. Xtra is about lesbian and gay liberation - and about being out.
Yours,
Eleanor Brown
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My Reply:
From: Macavity
Sent: Monday, June 26, 2000 7:50 PM
To: Eleanor Brown; Paul.Gallant@xtra.ca
Subject: Re: I'm Completely Grossed Out
I would prefer that my full name not appear and that you only use my initials. You have my name, phone number and email - that surely should be sufficient to prove the veracity of who I say I am. I often see letters to the editor in mainstream papers like the Star, Globe, Post, Spectator and etc in which the paper withholds the author's full name. This is not an uncommon practice. I fail to see why I must "out" myself to Xtra!'s readership simply in order to have my opinion reported. I am not one of your journalists or columnists or regular contributors and do not necessarily aspire to the same level of disclosure that they obviously do.
That in itself should not render my opinion unprintable. As you say, the paper is about gay and lesbian liberation - it's not very liberating to be "forced out" against one's will - and I'm sure that you can understand that as a gay man living in a smaller metropolitan area outside the GTA - a certain level of discretion/anonymity is desirable and sometimes necessary.
However, if Xtra! cannot see it's way clear to publicising the opinions of its readers without forcing them to publicly "out" themselves to the entire country, then I'm afraid that I'm even less impressed with your publication than I am currently. It's unfortunate that if I chose to out myself it seems that Xtra! would have no trouble printing a story about my receiving blow jobs in Cawthra Park but if I write in to offer an opposing view or offence at reading such an article, I am not afforded the same opportunity to be heard.
There is something rotten in the state of Denmark here. If your concern is that Gareth needs to know who's criticizing him, then you have my permission to give him my name and number, I have no trouble telling him to his face what my opinions are but I see no reason that I must reveal myself to the entire province or country to do the same thing in print. Today's technology makes it far too easy for people to obtain information via the Internet and I'm not willing to expose myself in quite the same way that Mr. Kirkby obviously is. Maybe that's the difference between the two of us. And before you label me as closeted, I'm not. However, there's quite a difference between being openly gay in a small town and doing a "Svend Robinson" and coming out to the entire country.
MacCavity
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Xtra!'s Reply To Me:
----- Original Message -----
From: Paul Gallant <Paul.Gallant@xtra.ca To: 'Macavity' Sent: Tuesday, June 27, 2000 10:26 AM Subject: RE: I'm Completely Grossed Out Hi there, again: Xtra's no-anonymous-letters policy is one shared by most papers with journalistic integrity. If you see an anonymous letter published in The Globe, The Star, The Sun, The Spectator (where I used to work and where my writing solicited many letters, all of which were published signed), the K-W Record (where a journalism-school friend of mine once edited the letters page) or even Now Weekly, I heartily invite you to send it to me to prove me wrong. Here at Xtra, the most flattering I-love-Xtra letters without a name don't get published. The most scathing letters without a name don't get published. Someone confessing to same-sex partner abuse without a name also doesn't get published. Name=published. No name=not published - regardless of the content of the letter. It's as simple as that. If you spend any time at all reading our letters page, you'll see we publish the most critical and hostile letters about Xtra and its writers. Yours is certainly nothing special. I don't want to get into the politics of being out (I'm out in rural PEI where I grew up and lived and worked and dated for many years, so spare me your "small metropolitan area" sob story). Our policy is set because a) anonymous letter writers are nothing but hecklers who don't want to take responsibility for their opinions and b) Xtra is founded on the notion that there's nothing to be ashamed of having your name appear in a gay newspaper. Hundreds of people each issue from all across Canada do have their names appear in Xtra, even as they bash it. Again - sorry if it's a blow to your ego - you're not a special case. That is our position. Right now, I'm assuming you don't want your letter published with your name. If you change your mind, please let me know and I'll happily publish your letter within two to three issues of your notification. Otherwise, I believe I've made our policies quite clear. Paul Gallant -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Final Response To Xtra! Dear Mr. Gallant: Thank you for your reply and for taking the time to explain to me exactly why I'm not gay enough or "out" enough to qualify as a member of the community worthy of being heard in the pages of Xtra!. It was very good of you to point out exactly where I stand. Consider me grateful to have been put in my place with such tact, compassion and concern. You certainly have a way with words. I would, however, like to raise just a couple of points with you: First of all, sarcasm does not become you. As the person who is obviously on the front lines and receives "letters to the editor" I expected you to have a slightly thicker skin. I think that if you re-read my original email, you'll see that my points are clear, concise, logical and stated without any attempt to be sarcastic nor to attack you personally. You on the other hand, seem to have been grossly offended by my letter, call my desire to remain anonymous a "sob story" and twice you point out that neither my letter nor I am "anything special". Given your reaction, your attitude and the tone of your letter, this makes you come across as an arrogant twit. My condolences. On the other hand, it must be truly thrilling to occupy such high moral ground. I think you have lost touch with the fact that not every gay person is able, inclined or willing to be as "out" as those of you living in the middle of gay villages. Regardless of the reasons - who is Xtra! to censor the opinions and comments of gay people who wish to remain anonymous - or is Xtra! a gay paper which caters only to those gay people who chose to be fully "out"? You have a strange definition of "community" and what it means to be inclusive. Secondly, you talk about "journalistic integrity". Have you read the definition of that phrase? You have compared Xtra! to The Globe, The Star,The Sun, The Spectator and the K-W Record and certainly seem to think that Xtra! is in the same league. I'm sorry to tell you that you barely measure up to the National Enquirer. Not even the Enquirer would have printed an article like Mr. Kirkby's! Furthermore, I have yet to read any article in any of the papers you mentioned which contains the words "fuck", "tits", "cock", "cum", "ass" or any other of the myriad number of profanities that I have read in the pages of Xtra!'s last issue. "Journalistic integrity" requires more than just a passing resemblance to a "real" newspaper. If you wish Xtra! to aspire to the level of journalism embodied by mainstream periodicals then I suggest that you and your so-called "journalists" clean up your language. At present, Xtra!'s editors and its contributors come across as foul-mouthed, politically agendized, myopic, self-serving, vulgar, little queers. Third, according to you, "anonymous letter writers are nothing but hecklers who don't want to take responsibility for their opinions." Well bravo Mr. Gallant! How sweepingly discriminatory of you. First of all, you don't know me from Adam - so I'll thank you to take a few moments to get to know me as a person before you label me a "heckler" who won't take responsibility for my opinions. Secondly, I'd like to know when you're publishing your research to back up your broad-based opinion - or do you not have to take responsibility for your opinions because you're a gay "journalist"? I'm beginning to think that my letter must have hit pretty close to home to have generated such a vitriolic response from you. Maybe the problem is that I'm actually correct and it's just a whole lot easier for you to attack me and spew epithets than it is to actually engage in a polite, calm, adult dialogue. You have my phone number - you want to hear what I really think and see how I take responsibility for my opinions? You just give me a call - anytime! Four, "Xtra is founded on the notion that there's nothing to be ashamed of having your name appear in a gay newspaper". Bravo for Xtra! And my response is "whoopdie freakin' do". So what's your point? Anyone who wishes to engage Xtra! in a debate or challenge the paper for printing a particularly noxious article is "ashamed" of being gay if they choose to remain anonymous to the general readership? What a crock! It's painfully evident that your political ideals and agenda have interfered with your normal brain functions. May I remind you that not every gay person on the planet wishes to be "totally" out and not all of us live lives which afford us the opportunity to do so - even if we wanted to. Your so-called policy is exclusionary, restrictive and discriminatory against the portion of the gay community who would like to participate in public debates but fear doing so due to attitudes like yours and Ms. Brown's. Finally, I certainly don't NEED Xtra!'s approval or support to disseminate my opinions. I wrote to you under the misguided belief that someone at your paper actually DID have integrity and would recognize a crummy piece of "journalism" like Kirkby's for what it was. Obviously I was sadly mistaken - Xtra! obviously doesn't give a damn what the silent majority thinks, certainly could care less about the kind of impression it creates amongst the general public and is loath to provide any kind of equal time for commentary or debate by anyone who isn't willing to martyr themselves by publicly outing themselves. For your information, my letter has been posted to my personal website and has also been posted to at least 2 other gay websites. I have passed it on to a large number of people (along with the email traffic between you, me and Ms. Brown) and have received numerous responses from people indicating their disgust and disbelief at both the fact that the article was printed and the way in with Xtra!'s staff have reacted to my letter. I could care less if you publish it. I certainly don't need your sneering, disdainful approval to feel good about myself or stand firm behind my convictions. And just for the record, I'm adding a "hate-mail" page to my site and this entire email exchange is going to be featured prominently. I henceforth reconfirm my decision to never pick up another copy of Xtra! again. You've certainly gone out of your way to demonstrate how much you care about your image, the image you create for other gay people and the degree to which you're willing to provide a voice to the thousands of gay people out there who are exposed to additional ridicule, abuse, distrust, suspicion and revulsion as a result of your "journalistic integrity". You drooling wombats on the front lines of the gay agenda make me want to puke. I spurn you like I would spurn a rabid dog. Fortunately, the dog can be put down - too bad we can't do the same with the likes of you!
